more relevance than they merited

Murphy didn't usually go to the Sunday beer busts at the bars. He said it was mostly because it was too damn crowded, but the fact was anything that felt like a frat party made Littlegirlcop feel like a square peg. He went out that night because he met a nice guy online and he knew if he went to the Sunday evening event he might meet this fellow in person. He also went because he needed to put himself out there more, that's what people always told Murphy, you need to put yourself out there more. As far as a Sunday night at the bars go it was a pretty good night for Murphy. He had a nice conversation with a big strong guy with a wrestling fetish who was visiting from Florida. The wrestler was trying to pick up Murphy and while Murphy told him he wasn't going to leave with him he was flattered by the offer and he enjoyed talking with the man about an article they had both read in the Thursday Style section of the Times.

Murphy also met the nice guy he ventured out that evening hoping to meet. This surprised Littlegirlcop because the bar was very crowded making the meeting less likely, but also because even if they did meet each other; one or the other of them might not seem as interesting in person as they did online. Happily this was not the case, thought Murphy. The bearded man with the sweet smile and sleepy eyes seemed very nice. While his soft kisses were unexpected, they weren't unwanted, and they infused the rest of Murphy's evening with a lightness and optimism he hadn't felt for some time.

That night Murphy had the good sense not to bring the sweet faced man home; later in the week, on the back patio of the same bar, after more conversation and more soft kisses his judgment wavered. Littlegirlcop awoke the next morning wonder if the the nice man he said goodbye to in the middle of the night was just a nice man or was he "the" nice man. Murphy really wanted him to be "the" nice man. When Murphy's messages went unanswered. He was disappointed for the expected reason and disappointed in himself for giving the warmth and softness of the kisses more relevance than they merited.

The following Sunday, almost a week later to the hour Littlegirlcop saw two men walking down the street with a stroller, The effect on him was always the same, Murphy felt both hopeful and very alone. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, thought Murphy, and the back patio of a gay bar on a warm spring evening is about as close to Vegas as you can get in this part of California.